Military Power

I had forgotten that I had written these, but looking back through an old Blog of mine I thought theat you might enjoy them.

Sir Percy has been away for five years on the Crusades. Eventually he gallops home to his castle to be with the love of his life.

The next morning, Sir Percy is looking for his boots when he finds a strange box under the bed.

"What is this?" asks Sir Percy to his bride, "This box contains three golf balls and a thousand gold coins"

"Oh! That" replies Sir Percy's Wife, " Well while you were away-Everytime I was unfaithful I put a golf ball in the box"

"But where did the thousand gold coins come from?" asked Sir Percy

"Well every time I got a dozen, I sold them" She replied.

Sir Percy returned home one evening to find his good wife in some anxiety. Apparently, that afternoon a messenger had arrived and informed her that the King would be arriving at Sir Percy's castle, and requested that a feast should be prepared for the king and his attendants.


Sure enough a little while later, the king with all of his retinue arrived, and Sir Percy hurried out to welcome his important guest.

A great meal had been prepared but when the king and his closest aides entered the dining hall it was discovered that there were not enough chairs for all present.

Sir Percy called to his Valet "Quickly-Bring more chairs"

The Valet called to the Master at Arms " Hurry-We need three more chairs"

The Master at Arms called to a servant "Fetch three more chairs"

The servant called to the Under-Maid "THREE CHAIRS FOR THE KING"

The Under-Maid responded "HIP, HIP, HOORAY"

Sir Percy set out one day on the quest for the Holy Snail (he was a bit hard of hearing). After several days ride he arrived at a ford over a fast flowing river.

"Is it deep?" he called to a nearby peasant.

"No Sir Knight" replied the peasant "Not deep at all"

Sir Percy dismounted and started to lead his horse across the ford. Suddenly he was up to his neck in water

"I thought that you said it wasn't deep" yelled Sir Percy angrily

"Oh Dear!" exclaimed the peasant "It only came up to THERE on the ducks"

Sir Percy was very excited. The King had invited him to attend a Royal Hunt which was to be followed by a great Ball attended by all the rich and influential people in the realm.

Now, Sir Percy did enjoy a touch of Game hunting from time to time, so he set off to join the King at the Royal Hunting Lodge deep in the New Forest. He was met at the gate by the King's loyal steward, Sam Flann, who welcomed him to the party and escorted him to his room.

The next morning the Hunt began. The Nobles rode out to enjoy the day's sport, and Sir Percy was extremely lucky in spotting a magnificent deer which he shot with his bow. All the other Nobles were most impressed and the creature was ceremoniously taken back to the Lodge for display.

That night at the Ball, the Ladies of ther Court congratulated Sir Percy on his hunting success, and as the night wore on much Mead and Wine was consumed; Minstrels played beautiful music, and Sir Percy danced until the early hours with many a fair maid.

The next morning Sir Percy, much the worse for wear, took his leave. It was not until he was almost home that he suddenly realised that he had left his magnificent trophy behind.

To this day, it is said, that when the wind blows through the forest and the mist settles on the morning grass, locals say that they can still hear Sir Percy's mournful lament:

"I left my Hart in Sam Frann's Disco".

At the age of sixty, Sir Percy and his good Lady were celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary. Among the guests at their party was the famous wizard, Merlin.

Merlin congratulated the couple on such a long and successful marriage, and said that as a gift he would use his magic to grant them both a wish.

Sir Percy's wife asked if she could go around the world. Merlin waved his magic wand, and suddenly she found herself holding a pair of cruise tickets.

Sir Percy looked at his wife, and asked that he could go with a women thirty years younger.

Merlin waved his magic wand and...

Sir Percy became NINETY

The last one is the funniest

Good ones Hobilar, they were good ones.